One of the more surprising findings in my research
with 3,000 Christian kids is that a vast majority of kids lead some kind of dual life their parents don’t know about.
The Dual Life:
“Kids put on an act for parents, teachers and youth leaders to minimize conflict and be seen in a positive light!” – Jeff Schadt
One Simple Rule makes the difference
Open up communication and end the dual/hidden life in your child. Learn how in my new book, The One Rule Home.
As a result of the dual life,
our kids’ thoughts, beliefs and actions are often shockingly different from how they portray themselves to adults.
A recent study by Norton “showed 70 to 80% of kids hide their internet behavior from their parents” alone not including all the other things they hide – Yes this is true even for parents who regularly check kids’ phones!
Entire apps have been designed to hide social channels and our kids’ online activities from us!
So is the answer to resort to more monitoring and control?
The Dual Life
- The dual life begins with small things around age 8, when kids decide being honest is too costly.
- They find it’s easier to hide things from mom and dad than face the music.
- By high school, 70-90% of Christian kids are leading a significant dual-life.
How?
We found kids in middle school and high school begin to work together to get around parental controls and restrictions.
Yes! They have even figured out how to beat the tracking apps!
Subtle signs of the dual life include:
- They don’t want to hang out with you
- They don’t share what happened at school
- They give you one word answers
- They get defensive when they make a mistake
- They’re on screens or with their friends all the time
Leading a dual life causes kids to become negative about themselves. Kids know they’re living a lie, but don’t know how to approach their parents. They want to be close to us, but have no clue how.
We can’t keep doing things the same way!
As parents it’s easy to slip into the true definition of insanity:
“Doing the same things over and over expecting different results.”
We believe if our kids respect our power and authority they will be motivated to change.
There is one major problem with this belief!
When 90% of 3,000 Christian kids tell us they’re afraid to open up and be honest with their parents — what we’re doing isn’t working.
Help your kids open up!
The One Rule Home is proven to change the dynamics that lead to the dual life, emotional distance and conflict with our kids.
Before we found The One Rule Home, our relationship with our kids was going terribly. One of our kids wouldn’t even admit when she made mistakes or hurt her siblings right in front of us. But after we started to apply what we learned from The One Rule Home, we’re closer than ever! I can happily report that my kids tell me things now that I would have been ashamed to tell my best friend at their age and would never have told my parents.
– Mom of 5, C.J.G.
As a mom and professional counselor I have reviewed many parenting programs. One Rule Home (Influential Parenting) is now my number one resource for parents as well as my family.